Shih Jieyu’s days were not easy either. Caught between the Noble Consort and the Empress, she wavered uncertainly. If she sided with the Empress, it would be a betrayal of the Shih Family. Not to mention her cousin’s disapproval, the Empress Dowager would also be displeased. Yet, if she did not align with the Empress, her daughter remained in the Empress’s hands. For now, the Empress seemed to be treating her daughter well, caring for her meticulously. But who could tell the future? Her daughter was still so young. She couldn’t take risks.
Therefore, she agonized over her decision, unable to settle her mind. Even her beloved embroidery of purses had been abandoned; she spent the entire day in a daze, completely out of sorts.
Zhaoer was somewhat worried.
"My lady, if you miss the Little Princess, you can go and see her!"
Shih Jieyu just shook her head.
"No!"
The Little Princess is doing well. There’s no need to see her often and risk the Empress’s displeasure.
After some thought, Zhaoer spoke again.
"Then, my lady, this servant will find some new patterns for you. You can embroider purses for the Emperor!"
My lady yearns for the Emperor, and she used to love embroidering purses for him. She made quite a few of them.
Shih Jieyu shook her head again.
"I’ve embroidered so many, and the Emperor has not visited once. I can’t even give them to him!"
She felt incredibly dejected, a complete failure.
So useless! Unable to protect my own daughter.
Fostered out, passed from one to another, I can neither raise her myself nor win the Emperor’s favor!
Shih Jieyu thought, I should never have entered the palace!
But what choice did I have? It was the Empress Dowager’s decision, the family’s wish. How could I possibly resist?
Zhaoer, at a loss for words, simply served tea and refreshments, then fell silent.
Shih Jieyu, unable to sit still, ate a couple of bites of the refreshments then stood up.
"Let’s go out for a walk!"
"Just... to see what Consort Xian Pin is up to!"
Zhaoer complied and followed her.
Xia Ruqing had risen not long before. The dishes the Emperor had rewarded her with the previous night, especially the hand-pulled rabbit meat, had truly delighted her. She had eaten quite a bit with rice and also enjoyed the wild chicken soup. Since the food couldn’t be kept overnight, she had given all the leftovers to Xiao Xizi and the others. Having eaten so much, she feared indigestion, so she strolled around the courtyard for a good while before going to bed. Consequently, she woke up a little late the next day.
Having just finished breakfast, she was playing with Little Bun in the courtyard when she saw Shih Jieyu standing outside.
Xia Ruqing wondered, Why has she come?
She quickly instructed her attendants to open the door.
"Greetings to Consort Xian Pin!"
Xia Ruqing hurriedly said with a smile, "Rise!"
"What brings Jieyu here today for a visit?" Xia Ruqing asked, making polite conversation with a smile.
Shih Jieyu’s gaze fell upon Little Bun, and she forced a smile.
"With nothing much to do and the weather being pleasant, I didn’t want to stay cooped up inside. I just wandered and ended up here!"
"I hope Your Grace doesn’t mind!" Shih Jieyu said tentatively.
Xia Ruqing hastily denied it, saying against her conscience that she didn’t mind at all. She even feigned a welcoming gesture.
Inwardly, she reflected, After two or three years in the palace, I’ve certainly become much more polished!
Shih Jieyu finally breathed a sigh of relief.
Sister Liang and Sister Huang laid down a thick woolen blanket for Little Bun. Little Bun sat on the blanket, holding a leaf. He examined it for a moment, then started to nibble on it.
Xia Ruqing, not knowing whether to laugh or cry, took the leaf away and handed him a piece of malt candy instead.
Shih Jieyu smiled.
"The Little Prince is growing up so well! Fair and chubby, and so sturdy!"
Xia Ruqing gave a wry, pained smile.
"He’s quite the little rascal, always stirring up so much trouble that he turns everything upside down. His Wetnurse Sister constantly complains of back pain!"
Carrying such a heavy little dumpling, how could she not have back pain!
Shih Jieyu mentally calculated and then smiled.
"The Little Prince is growing strong. In another couple of months, he should learn to walk, and then Your Grace will have it easier!"
Having both borne children, they found an inexhaustible common ground in discussing them. The two chatted away the entire morning.
Every time Shih Jieyu’s gaze fell on Little Bun, her eyes filled with an intense, overwhelming maternal love. Xia Ruqing felt a pang of sympathy just watching her.
In the end, unable to hold back, she lightly offered a few words of consolation.
"The Little Princess is with the Empress; she will not be mistreated. In the future, she will be the Legitimate Princess!"
"The Empress will surely arrange a fine marriage for her and find her a good Prince Consort. She’ll have wealth and honor for a lifetime!"
These words alleviated much of the sorrow in Shih Jieyu’s eyes. Tears welled up, and her voice trembled.
"Let’s hope so!"
"Your Grace is right. The Empress will certainly not mistreat her!"
Xia Ruqing added, "Ultimately, you are her birth mother. She will not fail to acknowledge you!"
"It’s just... not being able to raise her by your side must be tormenting!"
Shih Jieyu was close to tears. Finally, someone understood the grievances in her heart. Not being able to raise her own child, even a simple embrace felt like a luxury. Her abundant motherly love had nowhere to go, seeming superfluous. Yet, she couldn’t control it; she felt like she was going mad.