2018 A.D. - 0000 O.S.
The first mass empowering event occurs. While there is panic and confusion worldwide, the civilizational status quo endures through a combination of global infrastructure robustness and civilian apprehensiveness. Many emergent powers during this event are triggered by economic hardships, resulting in powers that create food, heal injury and sickness, or have the potential to generate economic wealth.
The bloated militaries of the time period prove fortuitous, as they have little difficulty putting down bad triggers, proto-cowls, and the relatively inconsequential amount of aberrant wildlife that emerges.
Countries with large populations and/or stable economies benefit immensely in the following years, most notably China, India, and the U.S.A. The casual acceptance of superhero media, primarily in the U.S.A. and Japan, becomes a cultural explosion after numerous high-profile incidents of masked vigilantes foiling crimes perpetrated by newly powered criminals, and 'mask mania' soon spreads worldwide. Combined with the ensuing economic growth caused by "the Odd Summer," the following years are later dubbed "The Golden Age" after comic book nomenclature.
0003 O.S.
A second Odd Summer occurs three years after the first. Civilian triggers during this event are notably more varied, likely due to the greater cultural awareness of the concept of 'superheroes' caused by mask mania. Supers that emerge during this event are, on average, more combat capable than their predecessors, and super activity tends to focus on clout seeking rather than economic advancement as both capes and cowls seek the fame and celebrity status the first wave of supers enjoyed.
Nations that benefited during the first Odd Summer by-and-large continue to do so, while many smaller nations run into trouble from both bad triggers and criminal supers, forcing them to seek international assistance.
The United States sends a peacekeeping task force to South America to assist with criminal cartel activity. There is some discontent from local governments over concerns of 'foreign influence' and it is concluded that "superhero teams" may be more effective (and palatable) than military aid in future international endeavors.
Australian scientists note a dramatic increase in the potency of venoms used by some native wildlife. As most of the affected species were already lethally venomous, the status quo 'down under' remains largely unchanged.
0008 O.S.
A third Odd Summer occurs, five years after the previous. China and the U.S.A. have largely solidified their economic dominance, and weather the event easily. India flags only slightly behind, first focusing its newfound position and resources internally, an effort spearheaded by Tinker Vishvakarman who helps found the world's first tinkers' union.
China is accused of using supers to tamper with neighboring nations' governments, while in the U.S.A, conservative parties attempt to foment fear of India and China using the 'numbers problem,' as while the U.S.A still maintains militaristic dominance globally, its smaller population size results in fewer new supers overall.
The European Union accepts many new countries into its ranks, including several north african nations, and begins to focus on policies that will help Europe compete with the emerging "big three."
Despite growing diplomatic tensions, civilian life is generally seen as better than ever. Tinkers have revolutionized robotics and are automating large sectors of the economy. A rising lack of jobs in the service industry is countered by the need for support personnel in all S.T.E.M. fields, and the N.A.S.A sets its sights on Mars and other bodies of the solar system.
A massive, five-story tall kangaroo is spotted in the Australian outback, dubbed Mega-Roo. As it largely avoids civilization, it is left alone, and quickly becomes a national icon of Australia.
0010 O.S.
While experiments attempting to define the occurrence rate or cause of mass empowering events have made no progress, a scientific team in Poland proves irrefutably that fauna can trigger outside of an Odd Summer event, just like humans. An important milestone in understanding the rules surrounding power awakenings. Accusations concerning the lack of ethics involved in the experiment are dismissed.
0015 O.S.
The fourth Odd Summer occurs seven years after the last. Common scientific conjecture is that Odd Summers will continue to occur, but farther and farther apart as the effects of whatever phenomenon caused the initial empowering event peter out.
Political tensions have risen between "the four blocs" composed of China, India, the U.S.A. and the European Union. China and India have begun to pull ahead of the U.S. and E.U. economically due in part to 'the numbers problem', and while conservative voices in both the U.S.A. and the E.U. gain some traction, the civilian population overall continues to ignore the political sphere, focusing its attention on the space race to mars and celebrity super activities. General sentiment is that political posturing and conflict is "a waste of time" when supers seem poised on the edge of solving the world's resource scarcities.
The U.S.A. is forced to tighten regulations on what was previously a laissez-faire attitude towards superhero activity after several bloody escalations with high-profile cowls. Thus begins the "Silver Age."
0016 O.S.
The fifth Odd Summer occurs only one year later, putting previous theories surrounding empowering event occurrence rates into question. Several economic systems and infrastructure thought to be adequate for withstanding Odd Summer events run into trouble, most notably the wildlife suppression operations. With what is effectively a 'double dose' of powered wildlife, many superheroes of the four blocs are recalled to their respective nation states to restore order, leaving auxiliary countries to fend for themselves. In some cases, support is not received from the four bloc nations until months after Odd Summer, leaving nations who relied on bloc nation hero organizations to turn to amateur vigilantes, or even cowls, for support.
The first sightings of giant ants in the Brazilian rainforest occur. Efforts to confirm and eradicate the hive are stymied by the rainforest itself, which has regrown to pre-industrial era size and is quickly becoming a hotbed of altered wildlife.
In California, a lone individual named [REDACTED], who would later go on to become our beloved Architect, organizes the defence of a group of civilians trapped in a highway gas station against hostile wildlife. Emerging victorious, the defenses he builds become a permanent fixture, and over the next several years a small population forms as civilians move from nearby towns to the growing 'Fortress'.
0018 O.S.
A "military exercise" in the middle east (where the use of supers in warfare has notably increased despite international sanctions on using super powers in warfare) results in a trigger event involving a common scorpion, allowing it to grow to colossal size. Now weighing approximately 370,000 tons (as much as the empire state building) it easily overwhelms the military personnel who triggered its power awakening and begins stalking the Arabian desert in search of food. Responding supers are unable to halt its advance, and a failed series of military actions results in the use of a last resort, tactical nuclear strike in the hopes of stopping it before it can reach population dense areas. In the wake of the resulting blast, an area of land, over a hundred miles wide and stretching from the Suez Gulf to the Caspian Sea, inexplicably turns to glass, along with all life and infrastructure in its path. The resulting shock and horror of the event results in panic triggers the world over despite the absence of Odd Summer.
The block nations, faced with a damaging mass panic and utterly terrified by the implications of a similar event potentially repeating during the middle of Odd Summer, sign a historic peace accord before the year's end. Called 'the Forever Truce', the primary components of the accord include the disarming of all weapons of mass destruction, dismantling of all 'hot' nuclear power plants, the sharing of resources and consolidation of superhero agencies to facilitate global cooperation and coordination, and an agreement to never war with one another under any circumstances.
The ensuing years are (somewhat in bad taste) labeled the 'Kaiju Era', as superheroes redouble efforts on suppressing powered wildlife.
The U.S. government approaches the Architect due to his success with securing the burgeoning 'Fortress City', but initial talks fizzle due to disagreements in how the Architect would interact with the military chain of command. The Architect instead freely offers several actionable plans, which include vital countermeasures and preparations for Odd Summer. As many of these plans require a ground-up restructuring of the economy and infrastructure planning, most of them are subsequently ignored.
0023 O.S.
Mega-Roo sadly passes away due to heart complications.
0024 O.S.
Six years after the glass desert disaster (eight years since the last Odd Summer), the Forever Truce still holds, and the world breathes a sigh of relief as the first manned mission to Mars is made possible thanks to the combined efforts of the four block nations. Ajay Patel and Hǎi Yún become known as the first man and woman on Mars, stepping onto its soil at the same time to signify the unity between members of the four block nations and an optimistic hope for humanity's future. Unbeknownst to the world at the time, the title of first human to Mars had actually been achieved by one Craig Johnson five years earlier. A former employee of the N.A.S.A, the native Floridian suffered a mental break and subsequent power trigger due to the events of 0018, and planned to escape Earth by going to Mars, which he accomplished by building and piloting a one-man spaceship while under the influence of cocaine and adderall. As he failed to plan for either a colonization effort or a return trip, his corpse sits entombed within his spaceship on Mars to this day.
In California, the Architect warns that the space race is a distraction and waste of resources that could be better put towards Odd Summer preparations. He is publicly ridiculed for his outspoken, 'doomer' opinion.
0025 O.S.
After nine years, Odd Summer unfortunately, but inevitably, returns. While there is initial awkwardness after such a long period of peace, plans put into place by the four block nations largely succeed in securing worldwide infrastructure despite an exceptionally long Odd Summer. Wildlife suppression efforts concentrate on the Amazon, Congo, and areas of the ocean rich in marine life.
0026 O.S.
Another Odd Summer occurs, marking a second double event. While operations conducted by the four block nations are generally met with success, the 'kaiju' encountered during this event are notably more advanced, displaying supernatural powers in addition to their enlarged size, as well as uncanny cunning. Notable examples include a series of seemingly intelligent dolphin attacks along coastal Japan, and the emergence of Armodon from Africa.
The ant hive in the Amazon, long a thorn in the side of South American governments, is found and destroyed; however, several ants of unknown classification are reported to escape this destruction by flying away. Worries that these may be nascent queens result in suggestions of a scorched earth policy towards the local rainforest in order to wipe out any remaining ants. These suggestions are immediately discarded when initial attempts cause panic triggers in the surrounding wildlife which result in the deaths of multiple supers. Plans to hunt down any remaining ant queens are shelved until Odd Summer ends and the block nation supers can regroup.
Armodon spends the next six months stomping a path across southeast Asia. Unable to stop the seemingly indestructible elephant, it is determined that Armodon is somehow tracking and destroying ivory. Intense government efforts to locate and preemptively destroy ivory, illegal or otherwise, succeeds, and Armodon ends its rampage, returning to Africa.
0027 O.S.
A third Odd Summer event in a row occurs, to the surprise and shock of the world. Many veteran supers are already dead before it starts after two years of powered wildlife attacks and other disasters, and new supers are not yet prepared to fill the gap left by their predecessors. An even greater problem is the lack of support personnel, as experienced, unpowered humans who make up the backbone of post-Odd Summer operations have taken exceptional losses from kaiju attacks. Civilian life sees mass upheavals, as the plans instituted by the four block nations had been focused on preserving old standards of living, and not on adapting cities and infrastructure to the new realities of Odd Summer. In many cases, small towns and cities farther away from population centers survive by luck alone, at the whims of wildlife and newly triggered supers. Unnecessary sectors of the economy, such as entertainment and space exploration, grind to a complete halt, and mass looting and hoarding become commonplace. The block nations are forced to recall their supers to protect their food production capabilities, as many new breeds of pest descend on the agricultural sectors.
In Australia, a second giant kangaroo appears. After saving Sydney from a massive, seemingly zombified thylacine that emerges from the ocean, it is declared a national hero and dubbed Mega-Roo Jr.
0028 O.S.
The fogbank that encompasses New York City every Odd Summer arrives two months earlier than expected, trapping many powerful U.S.A. supers and members of leadership within just as the fourth Odd Summer in a row begins.
In India, tinker Vishvakarman dies in a freak accident. The robotic defense network he repurposed from service droids tragically does not shut down, as expected, but instead goes haywire, killing civilians and wildlife indiscriminately. Hundreds of supers die over the next five months in a costly operation to shut down the rogue network.
China, relatively stable due to rigid government control of economic resources and decisive disaster response, is swamped by refugees from across southeast asia. Food riots and culture clashes result in countless bad triggers. Attempts to use slain kaiju as an emergency food source results in an unwelcome discovery: the frequent empowering events of the last few years have resulted in dozens of species of never-before-seen parasites, many displaying supernatural abilities.
The European Union's resources are strained under an influx of refugees and obligations to protect its newest member-states. While Armodon in some cases inadvertently helps by destroying hostile wildlife in Africa, it also attacks areas of human civilization seemingly at random, leaving some areas untouched and others decimated. Theories that this may be in accordance with old grudges of human poaching of elephants, and suggestions that a beneficial relationship could be fostered with the seemingly intelligent elephant, are lost in the political arguing between member states. Despite organizational turmoil, the E.U. becomes the primary operations hub and launching point for both bloc nation and unaffiliated supers, as the American leadership is crippled, and China and India are swamped by disasters at home.
In a final closing act of Odd Summer, members of the cowl organization known as Dark Sentai try to gain control of Japan by holding the city of Tokyo hostage using a cetacean control device to attack harbors and boats. Unfortunately, the device unwittingly draws a gargantuan cetacean from the deep pacific ocean. Roughly the size of the island of Hawai'i, the cetacean kaiju, dubbed Monstro, sets off a series of tsunamis by triggering volcanoes along the western edge of the pacific tectonic plate. In the resulting chaos, most of the members of Dark Sentai are killed, and the cetacean control device is lost to the ocean. Earthquakes caused by this event echo around the pacific rim, resulting in catastrophic damage to the western coast of the U.S.A. all along the San Andreas fault line.
The Architect's city weathers earthquakes, tidal waves, and other crises of Odd Summer with a negligible loss of life. Expansion efforts quicken to accommodate for the ensuing refugee crisis.
0029 O.S.
A fifth consecutive Odd Summer begins. At first, prospects look promising as supers, tempered by the years of disaster, begin to establish stable regions by focusing on the protection of supers who can enhance crop growth, and by moving civilian populations away from jungles, forests, and large bodies of water (often in direct defiance of their own governments). Plans are made for a mass colonization of Antarctica, but initial efforts are stymied due to hesitance at using robotic labor after the disaster that befell the Indian defense network and the difficulties of safely transporting non-powered laborers.
The South American rainforest is declared a death zone, as powered wildlife runs unchecked. The unexplained growth in size of the rainforest (now far exceeding even its pre-industrial era size) has pushed out human habitations, and has shattered many south american countries into authoritarian fiefdoms ruled by whichever supers can provide protection from the jungle.
The Pacific ocean is now largely off-limits to humanity, as any boat that attempts to cross it is destroyed by powered wildlife, apparently under the direction of Monstro, who has assembled a veritable army of powered cetaceans and other ocean creatures. Any attempt at fishing other than by hand or with simple tools is inevitably rewarded with a city-destroying tidal wave aimed at the nearest landmass, forcing supers to divert attention to halting the poaching efforts of starving civilians before they can come to the attention of Monstro.
Despite difficulties, a relatively uneventful Odd Summer follows, and there is naive hope that it may come to an end without a major disaster.
At the tail end of the mass empowering event, continental southeast asia disappears in its entirety. From Pakistan, to North Korea, down to Indonesia, all contact is lost. No refugees or exploratory expeditions emerge from the affected area, and witnesses at the edges of the phenomenon describe looking into it only as "nothing." Initial speculation and hope is that it is similar to the regular fogbank phenomenon in New York City and the area will reappear safely at Odd Summer's end. But, as Odd Summer ends, the phenomenon does not, leaving nearly half the world's population trapped within an impenetrable void. Later examinations of recorded satellite imagery reveals that southeast asia likely dealt with a chain reaction of bad triggers and escalating disasters for the entirety of Odd Summer, culminating in what appears to be a possible nuclear detonation just off the coast of Myanmar. As these events escaped worldwide notice until the end of Odd Summer, worries abound that the phenomenon is chronologically unstable.
0030 O.S.
The Architect finishes expanding his Fortress, which now encompasses the fifth ring, just before the phenomenon in southeast asia disappears, heralding the sixth Odd Summer in a row. From within the affected space, a seemingly endless horde of extremely mutated wildlife emerges, along with only two hundred thousand of the estimated three and a half billion humans originally trapped inside. From survivor accounts, those trapped inside the phenomenon for a year experienced what was, from their perspective, three years of an intensified Odd Summer, with a trigger percentage estimated at 5% of all fauna.
The aberrant wildlife released by the phenomenon quickly spreads across the rest of Asia, preceded by a wave of refugees as the continent is slowly evacuated. Nearly all major efforts during this Odd Summer revolve around isolating Asia from the rest of the world, and despite many of the survivors of the phenomenon being among the strongest supers ever recorded, these efforts are not wholly successful.
0031 O.S.
The now expected empowering event does not occur, marking a blessed end to the Longest Summer.
Worldwide, the human population has been cut down from 8 billion to an estimated 2 billion over the past six years.
The majority of Asia has been declared a death zone. A combination of aberrant wildlife and powered diseases make even short-term strategic outposts unfeasible for all except the most invulnerable of supers. Instead, extensive blockade efforts have been instituted in Alaska, Indonesia, Saudi Arabia, and Eastern Europe, manned extensively by supers who survived the southeast asia phenomenon.
0035 O.S.
It has been four years since the end of the Longest Summer, and another empowering event has yet to occur. The Architect's completed Fortress City is the focal point for recovery efforts in North America, as well as a shining beacon of safety and example of competence worldwide. With the Architect's help, the barriers containing the chaoslands of Asia have been reinforced, wildlife suppression efforts have been optimized, and food supply lines resecured.
You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.
However, plans to commandeer currently defunct N.A.S.A technology and retrofit it for high altitude voyages on earth brings the Architect into conflict with the U.S. government, a repeating occurrence over the last several years. In an obtuse and ill-conceived ultimatum (most likely instigated by the former bloc state's waning authority), the United States of America demands that the Architect step down as overseer of Fortress City. In response, the Architect (and by extension Fortress City) formally secedes from the United States of America. What follows is a civil war that lasts one week, after which, the U.S.A. is left defunct as a nation.
Over the next several years, the Architect continues to assist the remnant nations of the North American continent in rebuilding, as the Overlord of Fortress City.
0037 O.S.
After a short Odd Summer, a new generation of giant ants are sighted emerging from the Brazilian rainforest.
"Ah, so Overlord and the Architect were the same person."
"Yeah, 'Overlord' was the official position the Architect occupied while he was alive, not his name" replied Cindy, while she browsed over the timeline mural beside me. "Fortress city was officially classified as a dictatorship until he died."
"And that was at the age of two hundred and seventy-two? That seems rather... high?" According to humans at least. Honestly I found the data I'd gathered on human 'lifespans' concerning.
Cindy shrugged. "He controlled the world's largest city. We can only imagine the powers and technology he had access to. Honestly, if it weren't for the fact that the wall announced his death we'd probably still believe he was controlling things from the shadows. I suppose you could argue that he still does, considering all the laws still in place because of the wall. You know, the last big law he made was that people couldn't be exiled just for being mutants, and god knows they've tried to circumvent that one. It's the reason places like Tartarus exist, even class four mutations can't just be tossed out. Lots of things like that are due to old laws he made."
"I see. I am a bit confused though. If the Architect was the Overlord, why have I not come across that information online? The official sources don't mention it."
"Tch. That's just the U.N.A. trying to gloss over history."
"Gloss over?"
"Like, they're downplaying or erasing the parts where he acted like a villain, and upselling the parts where he was a hero."
"Ah, because they are the hero faction."
"Basically, although it's quite a bit more nuanced than that. It involves remnants of the U.S.A, Overlord's stranglehold on minting money, the pact he organized with Hive City... You know what? Let me send you some of my old textbooks. You'll need to make a Papyrus 2.0 account. Let me find the link."
Cindy helped me set up an account, then sent me any textbooks she had that lined up with events I had interest in. Honestly, I wanted to know all of it, but I was limited by the hours in a day. My largest bottleneck was Human.exe, which was necessary to interpret all the data I was collecting, but which I also needed to keep in top condition for potential combat scenarios. I could record the contents of a textbook in seconds, but I could only learn and understand it with Human.exe, and pushing Human.exe beyond human norms to read faster would definitely result in instability. It wouldn't do to tire out my most critical process on a wiki binge right before a job or a lockdown.
I needed to update my algorithms for data processing. I already collated data while resting Human.exe, but being able to process more of that data without using Human.exe would speed things up. Though it would probably result in some gaps in my understanding... eh. If this museum trip proved anything, it was that there were very few scenarios where I'd be expected to know all of human history, or even most of it... or even some of it. It gave me even more of an appreciation for Mikey's old history teacher. It must be hard to teach a source material with so many gaps.
"Hey you two, Nicole thinks she's found the security recordings," called Mikey, walking down the hall towards us. "Still trying to learn the history of everything, Tofu?"
"Yes, but it's going slower than I hoped it would."
"Whaaat, you expect me to believe that from the guy who memorized Trebla's crazy plan?"
"Trebla's plan was logical and organized. History is chaotic and messy, and there is quite a lot of it."
"Well, have you tried growing another brain to put it all in?"
"That would not solve the issue. It is a matter of experience and understanding the correlations between events, not of physically remembering and recalling them. And admittedly, I have not been able to get multiple brains to work properly anyways."
Mikey blinked. "Oh. Well I was joking, but you actually tried growing a second brain? What was that like?"
"It is rather redundant. I can grow a second brain, but if it starts thinking different thoughts, both brains melt. Some kind of bad reaction with my power. I am sure I will get it to work eventually though!" I was up to eleven seconds of divergent parallel Human.exe use before the micro units triggered self-destruction... two point five seconds if the brain was separated from my core signal. I'd figure it out eventually.
Both Cindy's and Mikey's eyebrows rose.
"And you aren't dead from melty brain, how exactly?"
"I just grew it back with my power. The brain is not really as vital as people think, Mikey."
"Uh-huh. Well, let's get going before your current one explodes. Nicole might need it for something."
Mikey led us away, further down a hallway which was organized around historical references to E13 itself. It was interesting to see what parts of their fractured history humans considered important enough to dedicate a facility to. In addition to the timeline mural, pieces from E13 artists were displayed, as well as portraits of notable figures with their accomplishments printed beneath them. One entire wall was made up of portraits which I quickly identified as heroes of E13. Deceased. Both Cindy and Mikey lingered on the most recent one.
"It still feels kinda weird that he's dead," said Mikey, looking up at the picture of Kandor. "Tim would always talk about whatever latest thing he'd done. Basically the reason he's so dead set on becoming a hero... ugh, and now I'm working for his arch-enemy."
Cindy cringed behind Mikey, but then reached over and patted him on the shoulder.
"If it makes you feel better, they weren't really arch-enemies. At least, Hellion didn't think of them like that."
"Really?"
"Yeah. I mean, don't get me wrong, she definitely complained a lot about him when he foiled a job or whatever, but she never hated him or anything. It was just business between them. Heck, she actually cried a bit when they televised his funeral, but uh, don't tell anyone I told you that."
"Wow, I guess I always assumed they were at each other's throats. Guess the truth's always more complicated behind the scenes." Mikey rubbed the back of his neck. "Man, Tim would have a field day. After Kandor died he spent like three months 'investigating' thinking he could figure out who did it. Half that time he was convinced it was Hellion."
"No, it was, um..."
"You know who killed him?!"
"Agh, I wasn't supposed to say."
"C'mon, you gotta spill!"
"I admit I am also curious," I added. "I would like to know what could kill someone with Kandor's powerset."
Kandor had been a very popular hero, whose powerset had been thoroughly researched by fans and enemies, and yet he'd still operated for years as E13's primary hero, nearly as long as Hellion had been here. Super strength, speed, and flight, but with the ability to split himself into three copies, each of which would take one of his powers. He could divide into his own hero team in the field, or combine into a single, powerful hero with all three abilities. What really set him apart was that as long as one copy survived, he could eventually regenerate the other two. It allowed him to attempt feats which would have been suicidal for others.
"Alright," began Cindy. "Do you remember the lockdown that happened at the time? How the news blamed it all on a bad trigger?"
"Yeah, a drug bust gone wrong when someone triggered from a bad trip, right?" said Mikey.
"Right. Well, I did some snooping around my mom's office after it happened. It was a contraband bust, but it was for weapons, not drugs. Someone got ahold of nanite grenades made by the Silver Slug and, I guess, used them against Kandor. That's why there was a lockdown at the time, as a precaution in case they went berserk and replicated uncontrollably."
"Oh, damn."
"I'm sorry, 'nanite' grenades?" I asked.
"They're like little robots, smaller than the cells in your body," Cindy explained. "They can eat nearly anything due to their size, and they can reproduce exponentially. Massively risky to use because of how uncontrollable they can become, eating everything and just turning it all into gray goop. There was an incident a couple years back when someone tried to upgrade the wall with nanites without going through proper procedure. The wall solved the problem on its own, but I guess people were worried about another nanite scare so soon after, so they covered up how Kandor died."
"Damn, that's a nasty way to go..." Mikey trailed off.
"Best not to spread it around. Kandor deserves to be remembered for what he did, not how he died."
"Yeah... ah jeez, I don't think I'm telling Tim this one."
"Mhm. C'mon, we've dawdled enough. Nicole's waiting." She gestured and we followed.
...
So. One of the most beloved heroes of E13, who even villains respected, was killed by 'nanite' weaponry. Sigh. At least pretending ignorance of nanites would help disassociate me from the subject. I'd already researched nanites after finding the dictionary entry, but there wasn't much to know. Besides definitions and a few old news stories, anything I tried to look up online would only lead to scary government warning pages aimed at curious tinkers, and I'd left it alone fearing online surveillance of anyone trying to research the topic. I didn't need anyone wondering about possible connections between my persona and 'nanites', no matter how insignificant. If anyone ever looked into me, they'd find only an eighteen year old boy who was bad at upper level math, somewhat inept with computers, and who was a bit of a 'foody'. Or they might find out I was a criminal who was slight~ly prone to violence, but I was fine with that outcome.
Speaking of food, we found Nicole in the next area we entered, which seemed to be a food court! But...
"McDonald's? Burger King? I do not recognize any of these establishments. Are they from a different sector?" I was pretty darn sure I knew every fast food franchise operating in E13.
"Oh, hey, Tofu," replied Nicole, looking up briefly from her handheld scanner before distractedly going back to it. "One sec, I'm rechecking something."
"Looks like a buncha bootleg brands, like you'd see in a videogame," said Mikey, looking around. "I think... aha, here's a plaque. 'Get a taste of history, today! Sample Original™ recipes like the Whopper™ and McRib™ from Mega Burger's past, made with only* the finest arthropod paste. Brought to you by Mega Burger Inc, a subsidiary of Flash Foods LLC. Limited time only.' Bleh, looks like we found where the military's ant carcass surplus goes."
"I think it sounds good."
"You think everything sounds good, Tofu."
"Only mostly true." And I was definitely stealing some of it. The limited time only was probably due to dwindling supplies. Ants didn't march during Odd Summer.
"Okay, I think I've found the right spot," said Nicole, not sounding happy about that fact at all.
"Is something wrong, Nicole?" I asked.
She raised a hand and pointed into one of the food stalls.
"Oh."
"Uh, what's wrong?" asked Mikey.
"It's a Waffle House."
"So?"
"Murphy warned us to avoid waffle irons."
"Oh."
The four of us stared into the Waffle House food stall with trepidation. It looked normal enough, with a standard food counter arrangement that all food courts seemed to model, and with the kitchen mostly out of sight in the back. But then again, that weird book had looked normal enough until we opened it, too. I also couldn't help but note that the info plaque to the side mentioned that Waffle Houses had been banned from Fortress City while the Architect was alive. Not exactly encouraging to know that the leader of arguably the most powerful city in the world considered them a threat.
"What is the worst that could happen?" I asked.
Everyone groaned.
"What?"
"Murphy's Law, dude," answered Mikey.
"Murphy has her own law?"
"Er, not that Murphy. It's a superstition. Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. Asking what could go wrong out loud will cause the worst thing possible, supposedly."
"Then I want to know what is the worst case scenario even more, so we can make a contingency plan. Might as well plan for the worst."
Mikey opened his mouth. Closed it. Then shrugged. "Fair enough. I guess, maybe, we might do something that gets a hero called?"
"There could be a gas explosion, or something," said Nicole, eyeing the stall.
At that, Cindy took a deep breath through her nose. "I don't smell any trace of gas. But yeah, it's a kitchen; fire, electricity, sharp objects. Lots of ways for 'stay away from waffle irons' to go wrong here."
We fell into silence, considering the problem. Our primary goal was to avoid Nicole needing to deal with the authorities, but trying to delete the evidence might be the catalyst that caused it to happen. Or some other unwelcome outcome. Or nothing at all would happen. It reminded me of practicing with Adder, where I would pick the 'best' move every time only to be led to an inescapable dead end. We were forewarned in this case, but how do you choose when anything you choose is nearly guaranteed to backfire? Also, which choice would let me eat the most arthropod?
"Maybe we should just leave and not risk it," said Nicole.
"No, it defeats the point of even coming out here if all we do is get you on the police radar," said Cindy. "Look, I'm sure it's not as bad as that book was. I can go first and check it out. Not like I could accidentally burn my hands on a waffle iron even if I were inclined to touch one for some reason."
"Er, well if someone's going in there, it might be safer if I do it," countered Nicole. "Murphy did say the odds get better if I come, right? Maybe this is also part of that?"
"I should be the one to check the kitchen," I interposed. "Hellion's Henchmen regulations state that only individuals wearing the proper protective equipment should undertake risky activities, and I'm the only one in full uniform. Also, I have a plan. If I grow out an arm, I should be able to stretch it to reach the access panel without entering the establishment. If it's only my hand inside the kitchen, that might be enough to avoid the 'bad luck'." The fact I would 'need' to appropriate food from the other stalls to do so was simply an added bonus.
"Um, not to derail any villainous plans here," Mikey interrupted. "But what if we just call Murphy and have her take care of it? Like, she was already gonna pay us in good luck anyways, so let's just use some of it on whatever bad luck this is. Like an advance? Or maybe even pro-bono since this is technically her heist? That's the supervillain's job right?" He looked to Cindy and I for confirmation.
Logical
And the best option when factoring in safety and mission objectives. Even if I would need a different excuse to sample the ant meat. Ah, well.
Cindy and Nicole quickly agreed, seeming somewhat embarrassed they hadn't thought of that first, and Cindy called Murphy, putting her on speaker phone before explaining the situation.
"Yeah, I'm not doing that," said Murphy.
"But, Murphy!"
"Don't 'but' the super villain. My head is killing me and I'm not making it worse to placate minion superstitions. Besides, you quite literally can't afford it. The price to change this is at two mil' and counting."
"Whoa, what?! Is it really that dangerous?"
"Maybe. Probably not. Probably it's a nothing-burger and the monkey's paw has just decided the price is two million credits for spoilers."
"How's that fair?"
"The universe isn't fair, Cindy, it's deterministic. Either accept that your actions have consequences or turn away. Or throw Tofu at it. Make him earn that hazard pay. Now stop bothering me."
*click*
"Ugh! I'm sorry guys, I don't know why she's being so, so..."
"Villainous?" suggested Mikey.
"Yeah."
"Eh, it's alright. We'll figure something out, just have to be extra careful... Tofu, where are you going?"
"To get supplies." Extra careful meant plan: 'Use arm growth to justify theft of Mega Burger time-limited food supplies' was a go... I might need to work on naming conventions. Trebla mentions that plans should have snappy names for media clarity on his blog.
I entered the Mega Burger kitchen to find that all the kiosks on one side of the small food court shared a freezer, inside of which I quickly found the supplies for Mega Burger. They came in premade, dry-freezed packets that needed to be placed in a rehydrator. I put as many as would fit into the machine before fiddling with the dials that turned it on. According to the instructions on the packets, they would take only thirty seconds to cook. A shame the rehydrator was too large to take; I didn't have one yet. Ooh! But a quick search on my phone revealed you could buy small portable units that would sit on your kitchen counter! I browsed the options while the rehydrator hummed and then dinged. The first batch I put in was some of the burger items, and I handed one off to each of my friends. Unwrapping the paper, it appeared to be almost exactly like a tofu burger. I took a bite and... huh.
"How is it," asked Mikey. He and Cindy hadn't taken a bite yet.
"It's alright but, I guess I expected it to be a bit more flavorful. Tofu burgers are better."
Mikey looked at his burger, shrugged, and took his own bite. He chewed and swallowed.
"I guess it's a little bland. Could use a bit more sauce. It's alright though." At his pronouncement, Cindy took her own bite. Nicole was already halfway through hers, having not waited for Mikey to test it.
"Yes, more sauce would be better," I agreed. " I mostly wish that they hadn't blended and overcooked the patty so thoroughly. I can barely taste the ant."
Mikey choked, so I patted him on the back. Humans and their windpipes, I swear. At least now I knew where the nutrient slurry they fed me back in the lab came from. I recognized the mixture of powdered chitin and amino acids mixed with starch and soy byproducts. Mega Burger must have formed it into a patty to make these. A shame the DNA was too damaged by whatever industrial process they used, I would have liked to update my data on ants from the lone test back at the lab. Likely they were too concerned about parasites to skimp on the processing.
After I topped off my reserves, I shifted my arm and walked over to the other side of the food court. I hadn't needed to change much, merely elongating sections and forming a few eyes here and there, with a few tendrils sticking off from it to help with anchoring and maneuvering. I'd be able to reclaim almost all of the resources used. Checking to make sure my friends were ready to act if something went badly, I slowly reached into the Waffle House kiosk.
The inside of the kitchen was mostly the same as the others, with the exception of a large industrial waffle press against the back wall, meant to press out dozens of waffles per batch. I eyed it warily, but unfortunately the panel I was looking for was right next to it on the wall. I spent a good five minutes checking and rechecking the area around the waffle press for gas leaks, laser sensors, pressure panels, trip wires, chem sensors, broken wiring, rusty seams, and more, but I couldn't detect anything that might make the appliance 'unlucky'. The only risks in the room were sharp metal corners, a few cooking utensils, and three security cameras of the kind found throughout the rest of the museum pointed at the access panel. After a moment of consideration, I smeared some chewed-up burger over the camera lenses, then cautiously crawled my hand over to the panel and opened it. Inside it looked much like the other wire boxes we'd come across.
"I do not see anything that stands out as overly risky," I said to Nicole. "Though, I cannot tell if the wiring is suspicious. There are a lot of non-standard parts."
"But the room looks safe?"
"So far as I can tell. There does seem to be more security cameras than necessary for a kiosk. I've covered them."
She considered it for a moment and then nodded. "Okay. That's probably the security footage storage then. I'll just get this done."
Nicole unconsciously checked her mask was secure with one hand, then slowly walked around the counter and entered the kitchen, being very careful about where she placed her many legs. I followed her while rolling my arm up in a compact bundle. Might as well keep it long for now in case I needed to do that again. Mikey and Cindy stayed outside as planned. I wanted them watching our backs and not inside a cramped kitchen with us if anything happened.
Nicole reached the panel and started working, hemming and hawing to herself as she did so.
"Well, it's definitely more sophisticated. But why put this here? And... is this a dummy drive? But then where... Aha! What have we here... oop!"
Something clicked, and I flinched away as electricity arced to Nicole's hands from the box, strong enough I didn't need my eye adaptations to see the electricity transfer.
"Nicole!?"
"I'm fine! I'm fine! That was a deliberate booby trap! Jeez, of all the irresponsible things. People work here damnit."
She went to work on the box again, being far less gentle.
"Alright, I see what you did here you little..."
There was another click, and this time we both flinched back as a section of the wall rumbled and started to move. She scrambled backward, legs finding safe footholds on counters and appliances to cram herself as far from the moving wall as possible. I was glad to see her reflexes weren't growing dull in her time away from the sewers. Recovery from her injury was going well.
We both stood ready as the moving wall revealed a secret room.
"That's not film storage," said Nicole.
"No. It appears to be a secret lair."
Which was quite the coincidence. Two secret lairs in two days. Which wasn't really that many, to be fair.
But it was surprising that both contained a dead body.